Sitting in the car today, with you. I felt dead. I’ve never had that feeling around you. Sure I’ve been that way around other people for a while now. But you.. That person who takes me higher than I’ve ever felt before. You. There must be something wrong with me.
I don’t think writing has helped me. I see things inside of me I don’t want to see. I have more thoughts, that I don’t think should be thought. I’m going mentally insane. I don’t want to be around people.
Polaroid Instant Film, is extremely different from digital cameras. Yes sure digital, is cheeper, more effective, simpler. But instant film is so cool, old, artistic. It’s my choice if I want to buy it and fill my wall with it.
Just please understand that I guess my inspiration, amazement, interests, are different than your. Just because our interest are different doesn’t mean mine our “Stupid” and “Pointless”.
This is one of many things they do to piss me the fuck off.
They are by far the funniest people I’ve ever met. Sure I’ve said one thing then done another sometimes. I’ll fess up to that. But the people that do it so much, or do it to something meaningful.
Like you just are so fucking funny.
Seriously. My point of view is why the fuck would I waste my time saying something I don’t do, but do it. Like why the fuck does it matter? No show, no mask, no act. This is me. Take it or leave it.
And really, if you don’t like me say it to my face, I’ll stay away from you, you stay away from me. Done. Finished. Why waste your time pretending to like me? Like I just don’t understand people. If you really hate me as much as you act like it, then tell me. Because I’m just done with stupid pointless people wasting my time.
Feeling extremely out of place in my family. I’ve heard people talk about “oh yeah I’m the different one in my family. Yeah I’m cool” if you really were, it far from cool. I wish there was something I had in common with them. Just something. I hate being at dinner and not even have a word said to me. I hate how they all sit and watch something together, and I’m stuck in my room. I hate how they think so much more of my brother than me.
Being different isn’t cool. Isn’t fun. The real truth about being different is that your out there on your own. Not one person to talk to, relate to, be there for you. Your just alone.
The more you tell me I’m a fuck up, the more I believe it. The more you tell me to move out, the more I’m tempted to run away. The more you tell me I’m going no where, the more I’m stuck here. The less love I feel from you, the more I cling on to others.
Maybe that’s the whole problem here. I’ve never felt a hint of fucking love from you people. You always expect so much from me, and give me nothing in return.
That’s the problem here. The more you push me away, the closer I become with him. Your the problem. Not me.
I can’t bring myself to cuss people out. When I make fun of someone it’s only someone that I know they’ll see I’m kidding. I don’t get the point of drama and bringing people down, for the stupidest reasons. We are all together trying to live our lives. Why fuck it up with bullshit beyond bullshit. I’m not saying we all have to be friends and be a great happy place. I just don’t see the point. Just don’t talk to them if you dint click. Stop the pointless drama. Grow up.
It’s crazy how so many people do photography. And how amazing SO MANY people are at it. I mean it’s crazy how they all have THE COOLEST pictures of fucking grass and sticks. And how everyone has such great editing systems like Picnic and can make it look even more amazing. And THANK GOD for Facebook so everyone can show off their amazing talents and just incase I’m confused of which photos are supposed to show of their amazing talent, it’s labeled “Photography”
People. A picture of something close up, and you tilt your Walmart digital camera to the side does not mean your this creative artistic photographer. Get a reality check, if you have the talent you wouldn’t be taking pictures of fucking plants. Your not cool.
I hate the most important guy in my life. Well not hate. But it sucks.
your nothing but bullshit. You lie and expect to just get by in life. You not only bruise the outside of me, but also every part of me internally. You will never understand the effect you’ve had on me. I hate myself because of you. You give nothing you should give a 16 year old girl. You call me shit and hold me against the wall screaming how pathetic I am. But I always forgive you and think you’ll stop but you never do. Your a two face piece of shit. And I promise I will never hurt my child as physically or mentally as you have broken me down to.
Would you do this? Would you be the one to fully unvale your hopefullness to me. Right it out, unhook me from the world. When we lay in your bed, my heart goes out to you. My soul. Every word you speak to me makes centerness come over me. Please. Write it on me. That ungreatfull world which is longed by many. Write it on me, for she is nothing but a shadow, and slowly she becomes me. Goodbyes are the hardest thing this world has ever delt with.
I’m taking AP Psychology next year. For summer reading we have to read a book: the invisable gorilla.
Seriously the most interesting book I’ve ever read. I’ve read over half of it and I stared today. It’s so interesting. I love learning about how the mind works. Maybe if film doesn’t work out I’ll do somthing with phycholigy. I know everyone says that’s what they want to do but it’s so intreging. I love it. Passtion number 2: Phycholigy.